I deleted the first post.
I was not sure how it worked here. I thought I saved a draft and I published, thinking it would remain a draft. So when I saw the view counter, I panicked and deleted immediately. See, I had used names in my “draft” and could not bear the thought of this post reaching the person I wrote about. Chances of that happening are slim to none but rather safe than sorry, I guess.
“Healing isn't linear.” I hear this all the time. I see it in all those heartbreak tiktoks that are intended to be inspirational. I know what it means, but it irritates me. I'm only ever happy to see it after backsliding and checking a post or two. “You did good. It's okay if you slip up a little.” Like an alcoholic that rewards herself with rum while fingering her 3 month chip. Right now, I'm just letting her drink. At least we know we're not waking up in a pool of our vomit. Not anymore.